The Unmemorable Victories

I’ve perceived to measure my whole life in terms of large milestones. As a kid, it was always: when I turn 10. When I become a teen. When I can drive. When I leave the nest. When I can drink. And on and on and on. Even now as a middle-aged adult and parent, I still find myself measuring everything in massive leaps and bounds.

The other night I just happened to be enjoying the tranquility and overall “calmness” with my son on the porch. It was about as uneventful as you can get – we were both reading our books and listening to the suburban backyard sounds. But for me, I took a mental note of the moment. Neither of us were on any devices, and I know I should count any time with my almost twelve year old as a blessing as I fear these moments will be exponentially decreasing very soon. I posted this “moment” on Facebook (mainly because I love when the memories pop up and I get to relive these otherwise forgotten non-milestone memories) and an old friend of mine commented that “It’s all about the small victories.” I mean hot damn, why I have never looked at life like that before? Yes, I know we know all the cliche sayings: “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” “Enjoy the little things” yada yada yada. I suppose they are all related, but I think they tend to focus more on the small, seemingly unmemorable moments being big moments as opposed to those moments being actual victories. If you think about it, there’s a big difference.

Milestones are definitely important victories, and I certainly don’t want to downplay their importance. But they’re not the only victories, nor are they the way in which we should measure our lives. For the majority of us, it’s a given that our kids will learn to drive, graduate high school and/or college, get jobs, get married etc. But is it a given when your son finds, saves and gifts you a baby turtle carcass because he knows you love turtles so much? (Yes, that actually happened – I’m just assuming he had loving intentions with this act.) Or when your tween is still happy to acknowledge you in front of his friends? Or even when all of your reading-age children still find joy in getting read to them? THESE are life’s greatest accomplishments – not the eighth grade diploma or driver’s license.

I feel like these seemingly small moments are the true victories for both our kids and us, as parents. I know for me, it’s hard to imagine our children coming out on the other side of their teen years with more than half a brain and any sort of human compassion. I feel like they only think and feel in terms of “YouTube Shorts,” whatever the hell those even are. Kids are skipping their “kid” years these days; they go to bed as toddlers and wake up as faux mini adults with their phones and devices and social media to incorrectly learn how the world does (but really doesn’t) work. So when any of my kids decide to spend quality time with me, or even just silent time next to me, I’m going to celebrate that moment. That victory. Because that’s exactly what it is. It doesn’t matter that they were grounded from devices (ha ha). In that moment they are still mine, even if it’s fleeting.

Whatever our age, whatever our time of life, don’t forget to celebrate the small victories. Those are the moments where we do the biggest living. And if I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that oftentimes the lives with the fewest big milestones are the ones who lived the biggest lives.